A prenup is a sign of a realistic or modern approach to marriage. However, the conversation around prenups can be a sensitive one. Here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate this topic as a couple.
Communication If one partner proposes a prenup, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about the reasons behind it. Why do they feel the need for a prenup? What are they trying to accomplish—or prevent from happening—with a prenup? How would they feel with a prenup, and how would they feel without one? The answer may surprise you. They may be trying to protect assets or business interests, simply promote clarity and fairness within a marriage, or even protect you from some of their individual debts. It’s important to discuss these reasons respectfully and hear them out with an open mind, to ensure that both partners feel heard and understood.
Trust The suggestion of a prenup can sometimes be interpreted as a lack of trust, which can feel like a red flag. However, it’s important to recognize that a prenup is not just about deciding what happens to assets in the case of a divorce. It can also be a way to protect each partner's interests and promote fairness within a marriage, and help define prenup financial roles and responsibilities.
Baggage It’s also possible that the person suggesting it has baggage: perhaps they’ve been married before without a prenup, and faced some pretty tough financial consequences. Maybe they’ve seen a lot of divorce throughout their life, and have been told to always get a prenup. Everyone enters into a marriage with their own unique, emotional pasts—and that’s something to consider before assuming a prenup is a red flag.
While it can be easy to see prenups as unromantic—how prenups are portrayed in the media isn’t exactly helping with that—many people simply see them as a way to safeguard their financial future, and be prepared for the worst case scenario of divorce. As the saying goes: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst (and get on the same page before you walk down the aisle).
